*Now playing: Logic- 1-800-273-8255
What I don't get is how people are so eager to throw away their lives. They like jump at the chance to end it all but yet complain that they never get the chance to celebrate what they have. I can't lie, I have personally jumped at the chance. The thought still races through my mind time to time. Lee keeps me here, and my family reminds me I cannot let them down. But what of me? What in me is worth it to keep going? I'm still trying to find out I guess...
*Now playing: Beartooth- In Between
I went to the gym today, and I walked laps in my hoodie till I realized that working on the equipment with it on would be impossible. So I worked out without it. There was only like one other person in there that wasn't my dad, but still... I did it without worry of my arms and just kept going. I know I will get looks, people will say stuff to me and behind my back... but I am tired of being afraid. It gets warmer and warmer outside, so it was only a matter of time till I would be questioned for always covering my arms. It's not like it's very discreet either. It goes from my elbows to each wrist. Deep dark scars too that easily catch your eye because of how pale I am.
I don't know if I'm truly ready or not... but it was going to happen either way...
*Now playing: Heart On Fire- Jonathan Clay
Even my music playlist feels just as bipolar right now... To tell the truth, escaping here... my family, these people... everything in me is telling me to bolt but I can't. I can't leave Lee and he gives me the courage I need to stay. To face the music, to fight for my life. So I'm stuck in the same loop for now. Trying to survive my wanting to die. From how society is now, it seems like almost everyone is in the same boat. Lets hope we can at least float.
-Starr
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