2010's

*Now Playing: Metro Station- Shake it

Music from 7 years ago flood my speakers and I just close my eyes and get taken aback.  To the time I was skating in our roller rink in the dark by myself listening to this song, wondering, what's next?  It didn't matter that I would have a cane in the following years, or that I would struggle, have a few boyfriends then find Lee or that my life at this point seems to be going down the shitter.  No, it was a breath by breath.  It was a live now and make the most of this moment type of what's next.  I was ready for it all.  Inside I still am.

*Now Playing: Gym Class Heroes- Stereo Hearts

I find comfort in those days, when my mind was innocent (all that a 9-12 year olds mind can be) and when I could take on the world.  It gives me courage I think.  This morning I went to church in a dress, something I haven't done in years.  I even didn't cover my arms for like 10 minutes.  Progress takes time I guess.  Tomorrow is a different story.  Not wearing long sleeves in front of 1200 students is when things become scary.  I know I shouldn't care what they think, but it still bothers me.  They don't know me at all, and they are just going to assume the worst.  God now I sound like a baby.

*Now Playing: Rixton- Me and My Broken Heart

I can let my mind think of the good ol' days, or think about the great future, but that doesn't change right now.  I've always seeked to live in the moment, my moto always being Carpe Diem, but truly there is no black and white answer.  Over thinking the future and planning everything takes out joy, but living in the moment gives a lot of risk.  There is no extreme yes or no I guess... I'll just have to choose what feels right.  Till my probable death tomorrow facing the judgemental crowds of an American High School.

-Starr